In my pursuit of cohesion amidst our chaotic lives, I had to consciously decide to structure a foundation rather than blindly chase down a crazed monster and struggle to capture it day after day.
As I have shared in the past, I have developed 8 core values that I am choosing for our foundation. I have decided to share more in-depth on the experience that I have had while implementing this structure. My first is “Trustworthy”, this is one of the most important aspects of what I would like to instill in our future.
Let me begin by stating that I truly believe as human beings our words are powerful, and we must follow through if we expect others to have trust in who we are and what we stand for. If I cannot guarantee the outcome, I do not make the promise. Even little fibs can turn into big problems. We can very easily alter the character of each little person with our own behaviors.
There have been many times in the past that I have caught myself saying, “no tv if you don’t finish your homework” and while I was in the midst of folding laundry, making dinner, and on the phone setting up the next dentist appointment; glance into the living room to see the children watching tv, thinking to myself, ‘I do not have time to deal with that!’ Well, I just threatened a punishment that turned into a lie.
There is one child in my care that is very sneaky, Lovely Little Lylah. Remembering back to a time when I was not so wise…the first lie she told came as means for attention, I then questioned her more than the rest of the children, every time there was a “who did this?” incident. Until I remembered who I became when I was accused of doing something wrong that I did not do, “fine you think I am that bad, I guess I will prove you right!” Not the outcome I want from this sweet child! I began giving her more responsibilities (not outside of her abilities) and explained that I trusted her enough to follow the rules. I also explained to her that if she needed help, she did not have to lie to me if it did not go well, that together we would find a solution to the problem. Just so you know, it is not perfection, I have to work on this regularly, though it has altered her behavior drastically in the right direction! Throughout the years, I have been lied to several times. I believe it is my responsibility as the caregiver to keep my emotions under control (not always easy in the moment), analyze why the lie occurred, and fix the core of the problem in order to adjust the behavior.
Peaches & Pits 